You've GOT To Look In The Mirror
Maybe that isn't the best way to start a blog post. It almost sounds like I'm yelling at whomever might be reading. Telling you what YOU have to do!
I've always thought of pride as a dangerous thing. It is often related to other words like arrogance. Self-righteousness.
Anybody who is around me for a reasonable amount of time will know that I believe that words mean things. (Full disclosure, I attribute that statement to Rush Limbaugh in his book The Way Things Ought To Be.)
So when I'm listening to a speaker or reading a book by an author and that person's focus is telling me what I HAVE to do, red flags go up in my brain. Often the speaker/author is a self-defined expert on whatever it is that he or she is talking about and no one listening could possibly know as much. I'm sorry, but I think that very few people are that good.
Do you really want to get my attention? Speak with humility. Not pride or arrogance.
So to be absolutely clear, I am not writing about leadership as an expert on leadership. I am writing as one who is on a journey to grow in the area of leadership and be better today than I was yesterday. That's it.
So let me restart.
I'VE Got To Look In The Mirror
Yes, looking in the mirror can refer to self-examination of how I'm changing and growing as a leader. Am I applying what I'm learning about leadership to my role as a leader? Am I really growing as a leader? Am I a better leader than I used to be? As a leader, am I becoming more like Jesus? As a leader, am I using my position to point people to Jesus?
All of these questions talk about change or action. They talk about my growth as a leader. They talk about what I do as a leader.
But looking in the mirror can also refer to self-reflection of who I am as a leader. How do I view myself as a leader at this very moment in time? How do I view my leadership abilities right now, today, at 3:07 PM on this beautiful Saturday afternoon?
The Law of the Mirror
I remind you again, I recently completed an online self-paced course by John Maxwell, a subject matter expert in Leadership, called The 15 Laws of Growth.
The third Law of Growth that I studied is The Law of the Mirror. Once again, while the material was technically on the subject of "growth," it was really about leadership. Go to the source for more info on the course.
I found this law to be uncomfortably challenging. I think it will help me in my journey and help me as I grow as a leader. Maybe it'll help you too.
But wait, you say, wasn't the second law that you talked about in your previous post called The Law of Awareness? It sounds very much the same. How is this any different? Well, the simple answer is that The Law of Awareness focused on what I do as a vocation. The Law of the Mirror focuses on who I am. Read on...
Some of my notes from my study of The Law of the Mirror:
I must see value in myself to add value to myself. I can read leadership books and take leadership classes and listen to leadership podcasts, but if I don't see any value in myself, in the long run I won't add any value to myself as a leader.
How well I lead determines how well I succeed. This is a reference to John's The Law of the Lid, one of the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (another leadership book by John Maxwell). The Law of the Lid states that a person's leadership ability determines their level of effectiveness. In addition to leadership ability, this law can be applied to my self image. How well I see myself as a leader determines how effective or successful I am as a leader.
Here are Some Self-Image Statements
I include them along with my own elaboration. These are statements that John shared in the training that relate to me as a leader:
1. It's impossible to consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent to how I see myself. I will always move to the level of my self image. It's important as I grow as a leader to lift the lid of my self image.
2. How I see myself determines how I invest in myself. Also, how I see myself determines how much I bet on myself. This could be manifested in things like self care, the clothes I wear, the car I drive, etc.
3. My belief in myself influences the belief that others have in me. This is a hard one for me. Sometimes I "poor mouth" (as my dad would say) my leadership ability as an overcompensation for not wanting to come across as arrogant, cocky, prideful, etc. I think what I should be is quietly and humbly confident.
How To Approach The Mirror
OK, now in the course as in all courses I got to the part that, depending on the subject, I either really like or I either really hate. As I look into the mirror, how do I approach what I see? Stated another way, how do I grow my self image? How do I increase my lid? What do I have to, gulp, c-h-a-n-g-e?
Here are some suggestions that John gave along with my own thoughts on them:
1. Guard my self talk. The most important conversation I will have every day is the one I have with myself. I need to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God Himself. He made me with a purpose. As best as I can ascertain, His purpose was for me to be in the leadership role in which I find myself today, as the Executive Pastor/Discipleship Minister at New Hope Christian Church in Bartlett, TN. He has given me experiences, knowledge, skills. I need to own that. I should use all of those things for my good, for the good of those I lead, and for His glory.
2. Add value to others. It's NOT all about me. It IS all about others. To be successful as a leader I need to seek out ways I can add value to others. Especially those over which I have been place in leadership.
3. Do the right thing even if it's the hard thing. Right actions will equal right emotions. Good character decisions will increase my self image more than any other decision.
One of the things that I've noticed lately is that my new position at New Hope, Executive Pastor, has naturally brought with it an increased amount of opportunities to make leadership decisions. I need wisdom all day every day. I pray for it each morning, and I'm praying for it even now as I write this blog post. Will I make mistakes? Of course! My job is to learn from them and grow.
As John discussed how I should approach the mirror, he shared a quote from an article he wrote called High Road Leadership. I liked it and want to share it with you.
"In life and in leadership, you will find that people treat you badly. That is an unavoidable fact. You have three options when you are treated in this manner. You can take:
(1) the low road where you treat people worse than they treat you;
(2) the middle road where you treat people the same as they treat you; or
(3) the high road where you treat people better than they treat you.
As a leader, you must commit to taking the high road when others—intentionally or unintentionally—do you wrong. We all mess up. We all have annoying quirks, and there are times when we’re not pleasant to be around. When you recognize your humanness and know you need and have received grace, you are more open to taking the high road and extending grace to others.
No one takes the high road by accident. You must consciously choose that path. The high road is not the easiest road—it goes uphill and takes more effort to travel—but it is the only road that leads to the highest levels of living and leading.
Find encouragement in the words of Kevin M. Keith, who wrote “The Paradoxical Commandments.” They will help you to choose the high road in your leadership:
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
Leaders don’t take the high road because it’s the only available option, but because it’s the best option. High roaders aren’t victims—they’re victors. The author of Proverbs stated, “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression” (Prov. 19:11). When you respond to ill-treatment with grace and forgiveness, you display an admirable character that elevates you in the eyes of others and allows you to experience the High Road Principle: You go to a higher level when you treat others better than they treat you." John Maxwell.
Now, back to John's suggestions.
4. Every day, get a win. This is so important. So many days I come home discouraged because I either haven't accomplished what I set out to do that day, I strayed from my plan, or I'm dfocuse on the mistake(s) I made during the day. It's important to get a win each day to help me grow my self image, which in turn will make me a better leader. And remember, it's not about pride. It's really about rightly seeing me the way my God sees me...as someone fearfully and wonderfully made in His image who has been reconciled to Him through the blood of Jesus and who has good things to do, things that God has prepared in advance for me to do.
5. Be prepared. I think this is manifested in a lot of ways. I need to be prepared for each day, be prepared for my role, be prepared to lead. Part of being prepared is to do everything I can to grow as a leader. Thus this leadership journey.
6. Use my mirror to look at myself, not look at others. I think this goes back to one of my favorite Billy Graham sayings. It's God's job to judge, it's The Holy Spirit's job to convict. It's my job to love. I need to love the people I'm leading as I'm leading them.
7. I see others not as they are, I see others as I am. I'm honestly not sure if this is a suggestion or a reminder. As a reminder, I see my faults. My sins. I naturally assume others have at least those same faults. I don't need to worry about that. My look into the mirror is for me alone. As a suggestion, maybe it's to look at those I'm leading as growing leaders. Look at their potential. Where they will one day be.
Summary
So what did I learn from this session in the training course? What are my key takeaways.
As it relates to self image, or my view of myself as a leader, if I see myself as a three (3) on a self image or leadership ability scale of one (1) to ten (10), ten being the best, it's impossible for me to consistently behave like an eight.
The most important words I hear out loud every day are the words that come out of my mouth.
I see others not as they are, but as I am.
This Week
OK, that's a lot of takeaways and suggestions. What about this week? Just this week? What can I do just this week to help me in this area?
Spent some time getting clarify about myself. Self-reflect. Consider the question, "How do I see myself from a self-image perspective and a leadership perspective?"
Think of one (1) person that I can add value to each day. Write their name down in my planner.
Think of one (1) specific action I'll take to add that value to that person. Write it down in my planner, then act on it.
Let's see what the week brings.
My journey in leadership continues.
Note: Blog entries in this specific category are about my journey in leadership. Writing about my journey in leadership helps me to grow as a leader. Maybe it will help someone else on their leadership journey as well.
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